Some sage spice and advice for all my little Turkeys

Here is some sage advice I want to pass on to my children and grandchildren:



It's always darkest before dawn , so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.



Never test the depth of the water with both feet.



Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.



If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.



Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.



Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.



There are two theories to arguing with a women - Neither one works. (for Josh and Sam)



Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.



and last but not least:



Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.



If you need any more advice, ask your mother. She'll probably say something like:

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips aremoving.